Wow. Oh. Wow.

I was driving around town in my daddy’s Prius flipping through channels (NPR was on commercial) when a gem of a song came on the radio. It was Usher’s OMG and o.m.G that man knows how to turn a phrase!

After hearing that song, “Got me like, oooh myyy gosh I’m soooo in love!”

But, as Will.I.Am (featured) interjected before the first chorus, “I’m gonna let the beat drop.”

I realize, Mr. Usher, that I’m no “shawty,” and I was never “on the dance floor . . . dancing sexy, pop, pop, popping, dropping” and that I didn’t “hit [you] on the first sight . . . like dynamite,” but even my physical assets deserve more lyrical adulations than

“got a booty like pow, pow, pow—

Got some boobies like wow,  oh wow.”

Because “oh, oh, oh my, oh, oh, oh my, my, my, my, my, my, ooh my gosh oh, oh” I know four year olds who have a more advanced lexicon.

Ladies: join me in demanding more advanced diction regarding approbation directed towards our many and varied attributes. Our bodies deserve both ice cream and thoughtful commendations.

“Baby. I can break it down.”