Diversions

Most of this week was spent trying to keep track of which students haven’t turned in their homework, had to skip class because of a runny nose, and which ones can’t figure out where my office is despite both the sign on the door and me saying, “It is room 2. 3. 0. 9” in mounting tones of frustration.

But in between the joys of teaching Koreans—who are old enough to be adults, but act like American twelve-year-olds because, too busy studying, they were never allowed to be twelve years old—I’ve indulged in quite a few books, movies, and t.v. shows and, rather surprisingly, I have not been disappointed. Here’s the line-up:

     1.      Avatar:the Last Airbender (2005-2008)

This has nothing to do with James Cameron and everything to do with sweet writing, excellent plot, and all things geeky. The opening 30-second-narrated montage says it all:

“Water. Earth. Fire. Air. Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the fire nation attacked. Only the Avatar, master of all four elements, could stop them. But when the world needed him most, he vanished. A hundred years past and my brother and I found the new Avatar—an Airbender named Ang. And although his airbending skills are great, Ang has a lot to learn before he’s ready to save anybody. But I believe that Ang can save the world!”

     2.      Avatar:Legend of Korra (2012)

Okay, okay, okay. It’s the same thing, but the new avatar's a girl with tattoos who has a giant polar bear. Shoot me.

     3.      Redeeming Eve by Heather P. Webb

This is a book about counseling that I mentioned a couple posts ago, but I consider it a must-read for Christians. Saturated with equal parts empathy and practicality Webb’s stories and advice after years of counseling are full of wisdom on how to live and love fully within God’s redeeming love.

     4.      Half the Sky by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn

“Women hold up half the sky” is a Chinese proverb proven true by the tales of women’s strength and rebirth told in this book. Kristof and WuDunn (a married couple) have traveled extensively and interviewed many women from different cultures so as best to depict the status of women everywhere and what can be done to give women a fighting chance.

     5.      ToKill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

If you only read this book as a kid, seriously. Read it again. It’s a riot.

     6.      BattleRoyale (2000)

I’m sorry—you thought Hunger Games was a bloodthirsty idea? The Japanese had it way earlier and way diabolical-er. In this alternate future, the government passed a law that said because high school students were getting too rowdy, one 9^th grade class every year would be sent to a secure location where, given various weapons and survival supplies, they battle each other to the death. If they refuse to play or disobey the rules in any way, the metal collar secured around their neck blows their head off. I liked Hunger Games, too, but it is small potatoes folks.

     7.      HardCandy (2005, Ellen Page)

Brutal, in every way. A tiny fourteen-year-old lures a man back to his own home, drugs him, and ties him up in an attempt to prove he’s a pedophile guilty for the recent disappearance and subsequent death of a young girl. The dialogue and the dynamics between the two actors is breathtaking.

     8.      BattlestarGallactica (2004-2009)

Frack, yes. It’s like Firefly but more episodes, and if you haven’t watched Firefly, stop what you’re doing and watch Firefly. Don’t be stubborn; you’re only hurting yourself. And once you’re in love with that show, try Battlestar Gallactica to ease the pain of it getting taken off the air. An 8.8 on imdb, if you recognize that rarity of that.

Botched

Kosin in cloud.

Discouraged is not something I get very often. I’m a nose to the grindstone kind of gal. Moreover (and embarrassingly), my modus operandi over the years has been excel or quit. Piano, track, poetry, Japanese—all too hard. I quit and avoided the discouragement my inabilities would bring. I like to do things well and if I can’t, well, there’s probably someone else who can.

But I can’t quit being a friend, for instance, nor can I quit my job. I simply have to excel at both, or, at the very least, do passably.

Until this last week, I definitely thought I was in the passable category for teaching. My kids tolerate me, I’ve had no major discipline problems, and most of my students can sometimes say “Excuse me” and “I’m from Korea.” That is, when they’re not taking picture of themselves on their cell phones. Passable.

But not recently. Really. I botched every English major conversation class I taught (and there were 6 for a total of 8 hours) and so much so that my students had to correct me on what was and was not the passive voice and mention my ineptitude specifically in our class prayer.[1] I’ve shown up late to classes. I’ve forgotten my cd player, lost papers, forgotten to assign homework, and told one class that corporal punishment and capital punishment are the same thing.This alone probably gives Calvin College the right—nay, the duty!—to revoke my diploma.

So I guess it’s time to accept what psychologist Karen Horney describes as the “ordinariness of one’s real self.” It’s time to be mature and live out the maxim that it’s important to fail. I’ve failed many things lately, including not being discouraged. Today I looked up from the grindstone I’ve been so happily working, to find that I am very much in need.In need of improvement, encouragement, and maybe three or four choco pies a night.

Ordinarily I avoid need like the plague. I hate being weak. It is, among other things, annoying. But it is also where God is. I cannot speak highly enough of Redeeming Eve, a book I’m reading by Heather P. Webb, which speaks to this. Ordinarily I loathe books like Webb’s, assuming them to be touchy-feely traps of angst. Her words are full of quiet wisdom and approachable grace. She writes, “We live in a dangerous world where to want is lunacy and to wait is cowardly. . .[but] To be alive is to need, to grieve, to feel, to laugh, to love.”

It’s more than okay to suck at things. And to suck in such a way that you continue to suck over and over and over. How comforting! Being needy is awful; I will always hate it. But I think Webb’s right: that’s what we are and it is right to be so.

MacrinaWiederkehr said it well: “God, you cannot hide from me. You cannot scare me with your face of absence. I scare myself with this hunger for your presence. . . . I feel so powerless, so little and so poor, so vulnerable, so terribly wide open, so seen. It hurts to be so hungry, so dependent on your bits of grace.”

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[1] I maintain that I am so very not passive that the essence of the passive voice utterly eludes me. (If I could footnote this footnote, I would mention that “eludes me” always makes me want to write “alludes me,” which is just silly.)