Wednesday, May 23, 2012

No Nonsense

I’m writing this in desperation.

I’ve maintained this blog for over a year and this is the first time in 16 months that I’ve failed to post weekly not only once but twice. Unheard of! Absurd! I made myself a pledge—this is unthinkable![1]
Why? Why did I stop writing, or more accurately, stop posting? I had plenty to say these past weeks—too much in fact, as always. But sometimes life tricks me. It makes me think, suddenly, that living life is the antithesis of writing about it. Introverted Elaine worries about her writing side sometimes, how she’s always removing herself from the situations and observing. She doesn’t like to get involved. She’s the Homebody Elaine, the one who would wear pajamas all day out of sheer animalistic comfort and inattention to the need of getting dressed. Introverted Elaine can (and did, last week) spend an entire day reading and writing without speaking to anyone beyond the perfunctories.

Introverted Elaine coexists with Outgoing Elaine. Outgoing Elaine has recognized that it’s possibly unhealthy to split her personality into individual personalities refer to them in the third person. Outgoing Elaine is socially functional, wears high-heels, and craves long conversations with friends and enjoys clubbing. Outgoing Elaine is essential to Introverted Elaine’s happiness, but Outgoing Elaine is nearly as exhausting as work is to Introverted Elaine, so when I have free time, I tend to ignore Outgoing Elaine.

That’s when my day-long hiatus from speaking to people occurred and it exhausted Outgoing Elaine. So during the upcoming weekend, Introverted Elaine caved and pulled a Friday almost-all-nighter, spent Saturday in Seoul with some soccer boys, and Sunday chatting with church friends. The next three days found Introverted Elaine curled into a ball on her bed, keening like a wounded wallaby.

WorkoutFascist Elaine was too tired from the weekend’s shenanigans to monitor and maintain her body’s endorphin levels so she allowed InternetJunkie Elaine to take over for free periods. PeanutButterEnthusiast Elaine was allowed free reign when Responsible Elaine ignored grocery-shopping duties in favor of showing up to her classes on time because Wastrel Elaine was too busy reading Rick Riordan books and watching K-Pop MVs to help with lesson planning. But perhaps the biggest blow to the Elaine economy was when SmileyBible Elaine forgot that praying might be beneficial and thus threw the whole diligence thing out the window to the dog that always barks when Morning Elaine is trying to sleep and the cat the meeyowls as if being skinned by SlightlySadist Elaine.

Writing Elaine took one look at the mess all the other Elaines were in and, in disgust, spent her time writing angry diatribes in her journal like a jilted violist who has just discovered she will never ever get the melody unless everyone else in the orchestra dies.

So it is with desperation that I, No-Nonsense Elaine, reveal to you the nonsense that is my host brain. I’ve done my best, but I do not concern myself with second drafts nor checking vocabulary like Writing Elaine does. However, somebody has to get things done around here and until ListMaking Elaine remembers where PackRat Elaine hid the pens, I’m doing the best I can.

[1] Here’s to you, Fiddler fans.

1 comment:

  1. All of these different Elaines. And I'll bet they all have the same birthday. Have you ever seen the movie "Identity"? Perhaps you are all actually the various "avatars" of the separate multiple personalities of some deranged unfortunate. I have an "Elaine" in my house, and this thesis has much to be said for it in understanding her peculiarities! BC