Thursday, August 20, 2015


This is Lightsong. She is 16 weeks old, about 5 pounds, and fluffy. She hates the rain and adores head scritches. Her hobbies include farting in my face, attacking my toes while I sleep, and getting her head suck in things that she’s fighting (usually plastic bags). She is currently busy training me how to be a cat owner. There are many stages to this training. The first six are carefully recorded here:

Stage 1: The Infatuation Stage

At the veterinarian’s office, Lightsong wooed us with her frisky skipping and fluffy paws. It was love at first cuddle and as the paperwork was signed, many nuzzles were had. Veterinarians and vet assistants told us how sweet she was, how beautiful, and congratulated us on our adoption. We were proud and na├»ve.

Stage 2: The Car Ride Home

Pathetic mewling. Howling. Scratching. Attempts to get her 5 pound body in the way of the brake pedals. 20 minutes later, relief.

Stage 3: Worry

Will she be scared of the apartment? Will she pee on the rug? Or scratch up the sofa? Does she need x? What about y? What kind of food would be best and where should I buy it? What does it mean when her tail wiggles like that? Does she know that purring traditionally means contentedness? Because she seems kind of peeved. Does she know how to use the litter box? What if she hates me?
Fun fact: Lightsong's name comes from a
character in Brandon Sanderson's

Stage 4:  Mrowr? Eyes in the Dark

“Lightsong, it’s 2:30 in the morning. You don’t really want to play. You want to sleeeeeeep. Ouch! Those are my toes. No! Argh. I’ll lock you out of the bedroom if you don’t—ack!” She meows for 15 minutes, waits for two, and then starts caterwauling again. Then she throws her body at the door and thuds to the ground. “Lightsong if you get a concussion, I swear—”

Stage 5: Cuddles

In an attempt to keep my bedroom as a sacred space, free from kitty craziness in the wee hours of the morning, I come out to the living room in “her space.” I cram myself onto the couch and she joins me. Caterwauling has ceased and cuddles once again commence. She flops all over my arms, my chest, my legs in an effort to cuddle more. One of us is purring and I’m not so certain it’s her.

Stage 6: Serfdom

She has become my overlord.

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